Well,
I deleted some old texts last night..
One message said, "I just don't understand how you can shut your feelings off just like that". And I couldn't answer it a year ago and still don't know how. But I held onto it for such a long time to remind myself constantly that... that I deserve loneliness and sadness. Now don't get me wrong I've had some good days and some bad days and there is goodness in life, but that's the one I would turn to on all the bad days. I'd feel good about making myself feel worse and worse. As if it would help anything. In a backwards kind of way it's a little funny how you can't shut sadness off just like that. And I know Jesus forgives and I should have opened up to that ages ago, but I think I'm finally getting to that point now where I can see that life isn't meant to be depressing all the time and that I will mess things up in life, and sometimes majorly. But God will always forgive me, and wants me to experience life fully. God is so good... I love it when He reminds me that I'm more to Him than what I've done.
well,
good night.
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