It's been awhile

It bothers me that I can't write. There have been a few poems here and there but nothing that's completely honest and sharable.

got a promo at work

starting to bake again

listening to passion pit right now

sleeping schedule is all messed up

I saw The Chariot for the last time...

I struggle to make it paycheck to paycheck




..but aside from the writing, I am content.

Working Harder & Running Farther

Today was a good day.
I woke up at 5am and worked from 6 to 2ish. Work is going alright, but I find it impossible to care.
I'm trying to save up as much money as I can and work as many hours as I can get, but it never seems to be enough. I need to be able to afford rent, groomsmen clothes for two weddings, and plane tickets to Portland and back from Omaha.... that I have to drive to from Denver. I'm a groomsman in two of my best friends weddings and they are getting married the same weekend. One in Oregon on the 10th and one in Minnesota on the 11th of August. It's going to be crazy!

After work I was sitting around drinking coke, eating ice cream and playing video games. And I thought to myself "wow Brice, you are getting really fat and lazy." So that's when I decided to go for a run. I really didn't have much motivation to get up and run but I was able to force myself to lace up my Brooks pure connects and go outside. After the first mile I started to enjoy it. After the 7th mile I decided to just keep going as long as I could. I almost stepped on a rattle snake about mid way and a truck thought about running me over on my last 2 miles, but their attempts to thwart my run failed. I ended my run at 20ish miles! Most rewarding run I have done yet.

Now if you will excuse me I am quite tired and sleep sounds very enticing right about now.

interesting day

Last night I fought a cactus with my body...

Today at work I got hit on by a gay dude.
To his defense I do work at a store called Dick's...

I think there is still some cactus stuck in my back, I'm going to go sleep on it.

The Gold and Grey pt.1

I was driving west into
the most beautiful sunset
my eyes had ever seen.

I wondered if it meant something
how ridiculous, to think it was just for me
but I wanted to keep it for an eternity

But as time went on
and the sun fell away
soon everything turned to grey...

Chill.

Ya'll need to settle down... My lungs have air and my veins have blood. Everything is as it needs to be, and my life is not being wasted.

Well.

I've got good friends.

despair

Today was tough...

Tomorrow seems impossible.

I'll keep this one vague in hopes of not limiting your imagination.
goodnight.

paused for dramatic effect...

I have not written in awhile and I wish I could say that in the absence of words, I had figured out all the problems in my life. Unfortunately with all the pondering and nostalgic moments I have had, I am still no farther from my problems... but enough of that.

Life has been pretty crazy as of late.
I went to Portland for the first time and had a blast watching one of my best friends get married!
Did some hiking and chilling with my bros.
Came back to find that a lot of people are quitting at work.
Played paintball and dominated with some dudes Shocker NXT.
Found out another one of my best friends just got engaged!
I started walking or longboarding to work everyday.
Been drinking a bit more.
Been sleeping a bit more too.

Here are some pics:

 Feast your eyes upon the triple flex!

Aww Yeah.

life

"This is your life, are you who you want to be" - Switchfoot

God, I want to be so much more than the person I have become. At the end of everyday I am just overwhelmed with such discontentment. And well honestly I don't like the guy I see in the mirror, he's a real douche. This needs to be fixed.

Feels like I've been to this point a thousand times before. Tormented by the risks I don't take and the mistakes I choose to make. Selling out and settling for less over and over and over again. It seems like my only desires now are fortune, fame, and a pretty girl to take my name, but that's not really my purpose and I don't really have the capacity to handle any of those things right now.

Point of this post is to be a reminder of the realization that I just need to do better and do things for the right reasons.

God is so merciful and patient... He must be Love.

Baking with The Decemberists

Today I went and bought some groceries, because water just doesn't fill you up like solid food does. While I was shopping I remembered that Nathan sent me a link to cookie dough cupcakes and thus the project of the day began. I'm a simple man so I simplified the recipe and just used boxed mixes; yellow and chocolate and then topped them off with a chocolate butter cream frosting. I'm not sure how these will taste but they do look good and seem to be super moist.

Also I have been listening to The Decemberists all day and will continue to do so.
There are not a lot of bands that can put me in a great mood by singing about murder, suicide, and hooker moms, but The Decemberists do it so well.


I really need to block Ebay... I may have just "invested" a little more into paintball.

It was bound to happen sooner or later.

Dangerous Power G4 with a TechT bolt.

Me on Sunday.

Aww Yeah.

jerkface

I've been becoming more of a jerk lately.
Last night I roundhouse kicked a freezing Juan... It was funny... He didn't laugh, or talk to me after that.
Today during paintball I lit up two guys who politely asked me to surrender... They really should have just shot me... just saying.
But it was nice of them not to and shooting them was a dick move...
I apologized... It's all good now.
At least they got a good story out of it.


Today while paintballing my teammates kept shooting me in the back. I guess that's what I get for playing up front on a team of mostly 10 year olds. Still though, kinda bummed me out being the only one trying to accomplish things and then getting shot by my team.

blah blah blah, I'm a jerk and that's too bad for everyone else.
I'll try not to be one.

love,
Brice.

I tried to write a song

Yeah yeah, everybody thinks I'm going crazy
but they're wrong, cause I've been crazy all along
believe me, I haven't lost my mind
there simply isn't one to find
and it's not like I'm mad
I'm just insane
all the doctors want to put me away
I guess they want to dissect my brain

They can take my neural pathways
but these visions will remain
and they can slice off both my ears
but these voices will still scream

View the world in a different light!
Lose yourself and you'll be alright!
Find some truth and hold on tight!
And Love the Lord with all your might!

...

boring rant about boredom

Feeling pretty bored with my life at the moment..
I keep going through the same cycle everyday. I work, I eat, I play video games or watch movies, and then I sleep. Being sick has made me lazy I used to want to run 10miles a week, but it's hard to run when you can't breath and with the risk of making the cold worse it's not worth it... This cold weather has been an extreme bummer as well it's April 17th and it's been snowing all day. I need to hike and camp and build bonfires, longboard, paintball and have some misadventures. I gotta lose some weight and feel great again, but I have honestly given up trying. I pig out on pizza and ice cream all the time and after a month of sickness any muscle I ever put on is gone and I'm just replacing it with fat....
blah blah blah

sick of sickness

I got sick on march 20th and I am still sick and or sick again. For awhile I felt better, but I fear that paintballing on Sunday (sprinting, sliding, gun fighting/getting lit up) may have worn me out pretty bad and allowed this cold to strike super hard again. Now I am pretty congested and mucus is running out my nose or being coughed up. I've been getting about 3,000% dv of vitamin C and my immune system should be running at max capacity. And yet, the sickness rages on. I know what you are thinking, why don't I become a doctor so that I can cure it? Well as we all know it takes 8 years of schooling to learn to battle the common cold, and I would die before the end of it.

well, Aaaaaaaaargh....

Repeatable bands

There are certain bands that I don't ever get sick of. I can listen to their albums over and over and over again and never tire of the tunes. So here is a small list of bands whose albums I could listen to on repeat all day.

1. La Dispute
 "so fill your heart with what's important and be done with all the rest"


2. Tigers Jaw
 "Today I needed a break, my friends are climbing mountains and I’m drowning in lakes"


3. As Cities Burn
 "unless you can part my ribs like the sea, and make stone beat, then there's no hope for me"


4. Zebrahead 
 "It's out of my hands, But stuck in my mind,  In time I find my spine is crooked in design"


5. Johnny Flynn
 "I've been drooling at some mangy scraps of bread, and these hungry voices make a lot of noise inside my head"


6. Frightened Rabbit
 "Let's call me a baptist call this the drowning of the past, she's there on the shoreline throwing stones at my back"


7. Five Iron Frenzy
"Five Iron is stupid and you are if you like them also"


 I wouldn't make a playlist of these bands together because that would be weird, but I could pick one and listen to them all day. The lyric quotes are pretty random by the way.

Church and Paintball with a dash of Cajun

I for one had an amazing day.
It started out just like any other Sunday. I woke up late and Nathan and I rushed off to Mission Hills for church. The sermon was really good and a lot of people including myself needed to hear it.

here is an audio clip that they played.

"Does it matter to you at all... The Church, is now married to the world?"

We need to genuinely care why Jesus wept. We need to genuinely care about our friends and families. We need to pray...

After church we headed over to Tokyo Joe's for some lunch.

When we got back to the apartment I loaded up all my paintball gear and headed out to Paintball Adventures field.

 The owner was a really cool guy and he seemed pretty excited I brought three markers out that happened to be older than most of the kids playing.

The weather was nearly perfect.

Despite being a bit rusty and playing against a guy who owned an Empire Axe I played reasonably aggressive and had a ton of fun.

And yes, there are 9 more where that came from.

I guess you shouldn't run at a guy who has a marker worth more than all of your gear...

After paintball I headed back to town and met up with Nathan and some of his friends. They had some sweet Cajun hookups and we enjoyed eating crawfish, sausage, potatoes and it all tasted amazing.

Now I just have to clean and put away all my paintball gear until (hopefully) next week.

Aww Yeah.

about to get lit up!

Depending on the weather, tomorrow I may get to go paintball. I can't wait to make mistakes and get lit up... I am seriously excited to get some nice welts. I need to forget about how expensive it is or how tired I am going to be the next day and just enjoy life... Weather permitting. I wonder how I'm going to do with 2 cheap/used markers from Ebay that I have never shot before and not really playing for like 6 years... This could be interesting.

On a side note the bands I saw this last week were:
The Ghost Inside
Stick To Your Guns
Stray From The Path
Rotting Out
As I Lay Dying
The Devil Wears Prada
For Today
THE CHARIOT

Excellent week.

Easter 2013 marks the 2nd year Nathan and I woke up and went to an Easter sunrise service at our church. Smaller turnout this year and we were able to sit near the front and it was a pretty great service. After that we went to a breakfast buffet and I ate a lot of french toast and five different kinds of pork. Then I took a nap, because waking up at 6am is just crazy.

Next was The 2nd Annual Unsactioned DICK'S Easter Party In The Park. It was a blast.

I made funfetti and Kahlua cupcakes, but there was also a lot of food.

And we played some games.

Yard Pong is a lot more competitive than it looks.

volleyball was pretty brutal.

All in all it was a great Easter. We are reminded of several things: Jesus defeated death so that we could be saved from it and place our faith in Him, and we should always wear sunscreen when we plan on playing in a park all day.

The sickness

I've been pretty ill the past few days. On Wednesday I started to feel a fever coming on at work. On Thursday I slept for 20 hours and had a raging fever. On Friday I gathered up all my strength and drove across the street and bought some Robitussin, Ibuprofen, and some soup. It was nice to be able to eat some soup since I couldn't eat at all on Thursday. On Saturday I had to call in again, fever was gone but super runny nose and crazy amount of coughing had developed. Sunday, I went back into work. It was hard to breath and I had to use about 20 cough drops just to stop myself from coughing into customers faces. Every time I tried to laugh I would end up coughing until my abs hurt. A manager said something kinda funny and I almost coughed to death. So anyways this whole bronchitis thing is a lot of fun. Wait... no, it sucks.

While I've been sick I have re-watched a lot of  "Band of Brothers" which is a phenomenal show. The men portrayed on that show were the real deal. They selflessly fought to defend their country and liberate the world of tyranny. And I can't even imagine how bad it would have been to fight in the Ardennes forest during winter. Real Men, that's all I can say.

spaghetti = why I'm so full

Well, I made spaghetti...

and brownies...

and had a lager...

and hung out with Albert...

and that's about it for now.

Random Update

St.Patty's day was pretty crazy.. I think the green food coloring really adds to the watered down beer,  it certainly was a good time. Getting to know the people you work with outside of work is a pleasant experience and you really get to see their personalities come out. I guess that has the potential to be a bad experience too, but not with the people I work with (they are all winners, even if they don't look it... most don't).

I have changed my work availability so that I can start paintballing on Sundays (after church) in April. Needless to say but I'm excited to waste all that money and light some dudes up.

Another one of my best friends got engaged and this summer I will be flying to Oregon twice for weddings. EXCITING! Good job guys... Stay classy...

The weather is heating up. I did a little longboarding and bought myself some new running shoes (Brooks Pure Connect2s). I cannot wait until it's consistently 80s and 90s and the sweat just starts flowing. I kinda miss working outside all summer.

I Need to read my bible more... Maybe then I can start writing about important things rather than Peeventures and vague Patty's Day posts.

For my birthday this year I have instigated a Facebook Roast of myself. I'm wondering how that will turn out... At this point I can't expect too much, but I wanted to try and get away from the hundred posts that are all the same "Happy Birthday!!!". So hopefully it will force some creativity out of all the friends that I continually insult and joke with. I'm kinda wishing for a Brice meme of sorts.... Yeah, maybe that's too much.

Story of the day (TMI)

Today I went out to Old Chicago and ate pizza with two of my good friends. During the course of the meal I drank about 7 glasses of Pepsi. I don't know why I guess I was real thirsty. Then we hungout and talked for awhile outside of their apartment. By the time I was leaving all that Pepsi had caught up with me and I really had to pee. So I parked my car and surveyed the scene. Nobody was around and I felt that the nearby trees provided adequate cover. I began to relieve myself of the liquid weight and make my mark on the world. After two minutes had passed my reserve had been depleted and I was honestly bored of peeing. I made my way to my car and was now prepared for the drive home. As I backed out I noticed a lady was going to get something out of her car not more than 30feet from my urination destination. Moral of the story? Timing is everything.

My mind needs to chill

With the absence of certainty and the future unforeseen I find it almost impossible to make good choices. Where should I live? What should I do? What kind of career should I have? Do I need to be patient and wait to see where God is leading me? Is God leading me and I'm using patience as an excuse not to follow? Should I just do what I want and see where that gets me? WHAT DO I EVEN WANT? Will I be alone for the rest of my life? Shouldn't I be more proactive in finding a girlfriend? Am I even capable of Love? Could I convince myself that I am? One day would I find out that I'm not? Would everyone hate me if they could read all of my thoughts? Am I fake for keeping some thoughts to myself? Would it be better to be hated or fake? Would they hate me anyways for being fake? I don't think I'm fake I just don't want to be rude sometimes. Will there ever be a certain point in life where I feel like I've got things figured out? Or will I always second, third, fourth guess myself no matter what choice I make?


Does any of that really matter right now?

Thanks to all you people

Hey thanks for reading my blog. It really does mean a lot to me to know that people would take time out of their day to read up on the random happenings in my life. I usually don't have much to say and when I do I tend to dull my thoughts down into vague notions. But I think there is something to be said about silence and it's rarity in this day and age. Everyone seems to push their opinions onto everyone else and if you think their opinion is wrong they will hate you for it. The problem with this is that nobody wants to listen, no one seems to really care and we are just waiting for our turns to talk. And when we talk our words lack substance. We vent and complain about this and that, and it's all so meaningless. We wouldn't have so many problems if we sought out wisdom and understanding rather than attention...

Somehow I just turned a simple thank you into a ramble about how people should shut their faces. But really, Thank you.

I have good friends.
God has placed people in my life that have kept me alive through the years. Bros, buddies, compadres, Dudes, and ladies you are all most excellent and I love you all very much. You have kept me accountable and forgiven me whenever I have failed you. You have taken care of me when I was too poor to handle things on my own. You have raised my spirits a thousand times whenever I have fallen into depression. We have shared adventures and misadventures alike. Many of you would die for me... Friends, you are all a testament of Jesus who forgives, cares, gives hope, and has already died for me! Thank you God and thank you friends for being so good.






All the Paintball gear I bought online is here now.

It's just too bad I will probably have to wait a month to use any of it. Work, Work, Work...

I really am liking my new mask; it's definitely a quality mask.

This last picture is kinda cool if you look at where the camera is pointed.


Thanks for your time, God loves you and I love you.

I want the gold!

Today I woke up and had the breakfast of champions

and we all know that's a pseudo White Russian with double shot.

 Then I went to work on the Piranha I got off Ebay.

Took it apart quick and kept all the parts together.

Taped it up and covered the internals.

And Then I began to paint.

AWW YEAH and the other side says HxC.

Now the Piranha looks pretty slick.

I forgot to paint the sight rail...

 Oh well, here's the semi finished product.

I wonder how long the paint will last....

blah blah blah, sleep and stuff

There's not much I can say about all the thoughts in my head right now and trying to form them into sentences is too much of a challenge, but the overall consensus is that I'm tired...

I'd like to sleep March away and just wake up in April and feel rested, but unfortunately cryogenic sleep chambers aren't available and I have to work to pay rent for April.

Work has been a challenge as of late. Customers are crazy and cleaning up after people who act like you are less than human... it gets old. I am grateful for my job and love the people I work with but this weekend has worn me out. The schedule is broken and I feel like we are always super understaffed, but my friends and I will prevail. Cause at the end of the day when the store is empty and all the shirts are folded and everything is back in it's rightful place, that's it... The job is done and we can all go home.

Home is a good place to be; now if only I would sleep.

It's lonely at the... bottom?

I think it's a fair statement to say that nobody wants to be lonesome. Sometimes I like to be alone, but I don't ever like to be lonely. I just hate how I can't be content with being single. The feelings of desperation and depression overwhelm me quite often and I know that finding a nice gal isn't going to fix any of that and I need to seek out God to truly be content. But isn't it ok for me to desire a good relationship with a nice gal? Someone I can spend quality time with and just have fun and enjoy each others company. Or is it just jealousy and I can't get over feeling sorry for myself? I don't feel like I'm even capable of being in a real relationship at this point in life and yet I feel lonely and desperate all the time... I enjoy some freedoms of being single... I can go anywhere and do whatever and not have any plans to keep ever, it's just too bad I don't go anywhere or do anything. I just wish I could be more patient and less envious of everyone else and just be happy with the joys I have in life now.



"can anybody find me somebody to love?" - Queen



blah blah blah blah blah......

Recently

Here's a list of all the things that have been on my mind recently:

*Paintball

*Paintball

*Paintball

*Paintball

*God

*Paintball

*Paintball

*Food

*Girls

*Paintball

*Money

Here's a list of things I haven't played in years:

*Paintball...

I love that I am excited to play again and I have been searching Ebay and ANSgear finding all sorts of deals on paintball gear. This past week I have spent more time watching paintball videos then I have slept. Apparently you miss a lot of news when you tune out of a sport for 6 years. Aside from all the excitement and learning I can't help but notice how I've been neglecting God and spending my time obsessing on something.... worthless in comparison.

Paintball is awesome, but it's not as awesome as God. I hope to glorify God through paintball and keep my focus on serving Him rather than just seeking out adrenaline.

In the Pro division of paintball there is only 1 team that is a "christian" team and they lost almost every match since going pro.... Chattanooga CEP (Cross Eyed Paintball).

In short: I have an obsession and need to place God in front of all that.

a clarification

I need to apologize for "My love life..." and that's kinda funny. In all seriousness the theme of that post was that I suck and that Gods Love is awesome. I am a lazy writer and the reasons behind the relationship falling apart were that I didn't really know what Love was, I was passive and weak when it came time to do what was right, and I was selfish.... There are some other words I would use to describe me but I don't find them to be blog appropriate.

A week into dating I told her I loved her. I was pretty sure I was going to marry her someday. And with those thoughts in mind being physical felt almost justified at the time. I was greatly mistaken and inexperienced and that's a terrible way to try and lead a relationship. I'm just "a boy who can shave" not that I have to, but it takes a man to do what is right and lead well.

here is a poem I wrote awhile back: (it's pretty emo)

The Heartless Captain (metaphorically of course)

For where your treasure is there your heart will be also
Well, my treasure is at the bottom of the sea
but I am a man drowning on dry land
The Captain never went down with his ship
but his heart sank to depths unseen.

We were fools to fill the hull
with nothing but fire and fools gold
at first I thought it was the passion that burned
but then I saw the boards at our feet
dissolving into ashes and our gold was
smelted down into nothing pure
I thought it best to leave these useless ores
So I abandoned ship and swam to shore

Now I walk the sand as the heartless Captain
and through my telescope I can still see the smoke rising
I hope my heart decides to float back to me
but it's having trouble letting go of these memories
I'll have to get my feet wet to actually be free from this great treachery
and untangle my heart from the depths of the sea...

 The poem is about a ship that is a relationship and a terrible captain that is glad to be alive but ashamed that he didn't go down with his ship and now he just kinda wanders around lifeless and still feeling the full weight of his poor leadership.

"I learned a lot about falling in love

when I fell out of love

I learned a lot about being a friend

when I was alone

Well I played with fire

I burned it all down

I made more mistakes

than you can count" -Tigers Jaw

We Fail and God Prevails

God is so undeniably incredible it's ridiculous.
We were made in the image of God and yet we try to deny His existence.
We were made in the image of God and think of ourselves as gods.
We were made in the image of God and God was sorry He ever made us. (Gen. 6:5-7)
We were made in the image of God and yet we blatantly disregard His laws.
We were made in the image of God and use His name in vain.
We were made in the image of God and when He came to set us straight we murdered Him.
God has every reason to wipe us from existence and yet God forgives us.
God is perfect and though we try to distort His image; He passionately pursues us and offers redemption for the wrong we have done to Him so that we can be made perfect again.


I have come to the realization of how downright wicked I have been and yet I can't even begin to fathom how awesome God is.

My love life...

When I examine my love life I don't actually love life.
Here is the emo blog post that I hope you find to be: informative, bearable, and mildly amusing.

Two years ago.
I went and hung out with a girl on Valentines day, just the two of us and just as friends of course. We went longboarding around Hastings for a few hours and we talked about life. In the weeks to follow we hung out more and more. We watched movies together, went longboarding with friends, and played against each other in some pretty brutal Mario Cart races. I decided that I really liked this girl and on March 1st after a late night of watching Paranormal Activity and then sharing our personal testimonies of how God had worked in our lives; Boom, we were holding hands and there was much nervousness but we started dating. A week later I kissed a girl for the first time and by the end of the night I kissed her for the 10,000th time. We spent every possible moment together and night after night of making out while a film played in front of us, we would cuddled together on the worlds most uncomfortable couch. I thought this is love... Life couldn't get much better than this. But then Summer came and with the heat and humidity things started to get hot and heavy. The physical side of the relationship escalated quickly. After compromising our morals and beliefs night after night we would try to set up boundaries and then proceed to go far beyond those boundaries. I felt like such a hypocrite and began hating myself for failing to live the way I knew to be right. I would longboard home from her apartment at 5am feeling depleted and defeated. I slept only a few hours each day and then I would go to my job pushing shopping carts for 8 hours at Wal-Mart. While at work I would replay everything in my mind and become incredibly depressed. Through the counsel of a good friend and some Mark Driscoll sermons online I was able to see that the best thing for her and for me was to end the relationship and get centered on Christ again.

It didn't seem right and it didn't seem fair, but I had to admit that I failed. And for the next 3 months I felt like a complete failure. I still pushed carts everyday, I found it increasingly hard to sleep, and the relationship turned from bf and gf to friends with regrets. My best friends and I went to Colorado that summer to hike, camp, and white water raft. I fell in love with the mountains and had the time of my life with my friends. Once we got back to Nebraska I began to hatch out a plan to move closer to the rockies. This move would benefit me in several ways; seeing as 700 miles is a far distance I would be incapable of committing any further sexual sin with my ex-gf. I would get to experience life in a big city and life next to mountains. And most importantly I would be clueless and have to rely on God for everything. In October I loaded my car up with everything I owned, said my goodbyes, and got lost the moment I got to Denver. I had maybe $200. to my name and no job....
My life seemed pretty sketchy at that point... dump the girl you love, quit your job, and move to the mountains...

Wait God are you sure about this?

Yes, Now pull your pants up and head for the hills

Since moving to the suburbs of Denver God has provided me with, a job I enjoy, excellent friends and roomies, the ability to play bass guitar on trips to California, a great church, and brutal hardcore concerts. But when I focus on the past and the mistakes I have made it's very easy to get depressed and lose sight of what God is doing in my life right now. God is continually pouring out his Love for all of us and he needs to be first in our love life, and if he is then we will in fact love life.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength; 

and love your neighbor as much as you love yourself"  - Luke 10:27

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand it's own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices when truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Also, I think this dude is pretty cool.

(I may post more on this topic in the future, but thats all for now)

Hearts, Prayers, and Tools

At church this morning the sermon was about persistence in prayer and Gods righteousness. I realized that there are a lot of things in my life that I have given up on and stopped praying about. Sometimes God answers prayers with No and sometimes Not Yet and other times Yes, Go For It. I've decided I need to examine my heart and prayers more thoroughly so that I am seeking Gods will and not personal comfort. A lot of times I am pretty shallow in my prayers and a lot of times I overlook the deeper issues in my life. While at the same time asking God why I have these problems. Anyways I need to abandon my own desires and set my heart on pursuing Gods. I will be praying more this week and about things that really matter in the sight of eternity.

Also, I gotta stop this whole being prideful thing so that I can pursue glorifying Gods Kingdom without seeking my own self righteous glorification. Even with this blog I have the "Hey look at me" attitude, when it should always be "Hey look at God use the most broken tool He could find and still He brings glory to Himself". Yes I deem it appropriate to call myself a tool.

God is working on my heart, I'm getting ready to pray meaningful prayers, and a prideful tool is just a fool.

I'm Tired and Awkward

Today I slept in until 12, ran 3 miles, read a bit of Radical by David Platt and then went to see the band Listener. Sounds like a good day and it should have been. I slept for so long because I just didn't want to get up. I hated my run; I felt winded, wanted to puke, and couldn't catch my stride. Reading was nice, but my mind kept wandering off from the pages. Listener I loved. Their new songs sound amazing! and I'm excited for the new album in hopefully late March. I came to the realization that I'm 1,000 times more awkward when I try to talk to the people in the bands I love. Dan remembered me and I was impressed, what a cool guy.

(new mug and bandana)

Lately I have been depressed. Maybe it's from not having worked out in the past week, maybe it's from not knowing what to do in life, or maybe it's just the weather. I don't really know what is causing it but I just want to get back to being active and optimistic. I guess I just need to remember that "There is a brand new day brewing".

Dumb Dreams And Petty Things

The past two nights I've had dreams in which some of my friends were dead. Those dreams are dumb, Long Live My Friends!

I opened up my notebook the other night to try and finish some poems I started months and months ago. It only seemed to depress me as I dragged up the past and had nothing good to add. So there they sit... stories with no endings, no character, and no class.

Work is picking up, I'm getting 38 hours this week. I have almost completely dominated this cold and I really look forward to running again. I may get the honor of seeing the band Listener on Friday and that's always exciting.

Blessings I received today in vague detail

Good day at work.
$20. because my manager is just awesome.
 Pizza.
Talked to Aussies.
PBR.
Hot tub.
Made Nathan eat a pineapple chunk he dropped in the hot tub.
Coconut Records.
Code Red Dew.
Bass.
Books.
Bill Murray.
Being Loved by an all powerful God, who should smite me but blesses me instead.

Mormons at the door

Today I had the privilege to sit down and talk to three young ladies about their faith in Joseph Smith. It was very informative; I got a free book, pamphlet, and dvd. 14 year old Joe saw a pillar of light with Jesus and God and they were like, "hey dude, you're like a prophet now. We're tired of all these denominations in the church go make up another." But with all the information and teaching me the history of Mormonism I gotta say, It's way too silly... The bible makes total sense... Why would you add another book to it that doesn't make any sense? They were very polite and reenforced everything  I believe while at the same time told me I need to believe/do more.

The Mormon faith tries desperately to play off of Christianity as if they are almost one of the same. So it would be easy just to believe in a few extra things, but there are many many many differences between the two. You can say to a Mormon, "Jesus is the only way." and they would say, "yeah, Joe told us that along with this other stuff you have to do." A lot of their faith is based off of how they feel rather than any real evidence to back it up, and a lot of claims that are absolutely ridiculous.

All that really matters to me is the truth that the Bible holds and the salvation that can only be found in Jesus alone. However enticing magic underwear and my own planet may seem, it just has no comparison on Truth. I do admire how active the Mormons are in their faith and the courage it takes to go door to door. Plus they are very polite which is rare nowadays. I just hate that glazed over look that they give me when I open my door. Seriously it freaks me out!

I lied

So to contradict myself and the post I made last night, I am Not running today...

My cold has gotten much worse and I think it might be wise to rest for now. Besides work I am just going to stay in drink some tea, some Emergen-C, play my bass, and read some books.

Speaking of books the two that I ordered last week came today. "Who Do You Think You Are?" and "Religion Saves and Nine Other Misconceptions" by Mark Driscoll.  "Religion never saved anyone, and religious answers to complex questions are simply misconceptions."

 So taking lots of vitamins, cutting off lots of hair, and being lazy today.

Post #7

It has been snowing off and on the past 24 hours and that makes running a lot more of a challenge. I only put in 4.5 miles today and on the blasted treadmill. I want to run outside, I want to explore, I want to run up mountains! Mountains! I need to remind myself that it is only January and that it's supposed to be cold and snowy.

I was called into work today and was able to pick up 8 more hours for the week so that's good. I also picked up 6 hours for next week. Maybe I'll get to the point where I can start saving money again.

So around 1:00 AM I decided to start cutting my hair...
around 1:05 AM the clippers broke down to an unrepairable state and I had to make a Wal-Mart run.
I bought some real nice clippers, and by nice I mean cheap because that's how I roll. I'm going to save so much money on shampoo now that I have no hair.


I still feel sick,
I am still going to run,
I am starting to read the 2nd book of Samuel
I am going to bed.

All Powerful

I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that God is all powerful. Maybe that has something to do with me not being all knowing, but still God can do anything. So why does it leave me absolutely dumbfounded every time He answers one of my prayers? Anyways what I'm saying is that God is amazing and that I need to have more faith.

On a side note I ran 7 miles today and then it snowed and now tomorrow it looks like it's going to be a high of 31*. With this cold and it being cold I may not meet my quota tomorrow. I can't decide if God is teaching me humility or strength, both are needed and I guess I'll find out when I try running tomorrow.

oh and I might try to do that whole add pictures thing.

I just need to take better ones....

In the future I will try to write better but right now I am all tuckered out.

50 Miles to go

I have decided I am going to run 50 miles this week to increase my endurance and cut some of this darn weight I keep gaining... granted some has been muscle, but to be honest most has been fat. I just bought a camel-back  and will be buying some new running shoes sometime this week, maybe some running shorts too. It's gotta be a good investment, right? Any ways I feel kinda sick and my left calf is Tight (capital T) so starting out tomorrow is going to be a challenge and unless I can get over this sickness quickly, this week might be a good challenge or improbable task. Lord willing I will be in better shape and dominating goals.

Fear of Pride

Currently I feel like life is going pretty well, I exercise, play bass, and read my bible everyday. And it's getting to be a pretty awesome way to live. But right now I'm afraid that I may be getting prideful and seeing how pride is a sin just like any other I need to be remembering to have a thankful heart and not a prideful one. To God be the glory and praise; He is worthy, I am nothing.

"I know now that glory has not a place near my hands or any man" - As Cities Burn

A fine day

I find it strange that when you fast the day goes by slow.
I spent  the day reading my bible and talking to God about life and it seems that contentment isn't all that hard to grasp. God really Loves us.

I went for a walk to get out of the house and to see where my feet could take me. Three hours later I returned home. I'm not sure how far I walked or even if I cleared my mind much but I enjoyed it, the fresh air, the sun setting, the new Twenty One Pilots album that I listened to on repeat, good stuff. I closed at work yesterday and as I walked to the front I said to my boss,"It's really quiet in here when there's nobody shopping" she said, "peaceful" and I said, "yeah that's a better word." The point of the story is that when I was out walking today I felt peaceful... Like God had blessed me with silence and simplicity. When I got home I read some more and then watched "Into The Wild".
All in all a fine day.

random post while I read

I like the way Mark Driscoll writes and teaches. He gets to the point quickly and causes you to examine your life from a biblical standpoint.

"Grace enables us not merely to hide our sin, diminish our sin, justify our sin,
or accept it as inevitable. Rather, God’s grace enables us to put to death our sin so that
we live dead to sin and alive to Christ where we were previously alive to sin and dead to
Christ (Rom. 8:13–14)."

A New Beginning

All beginnings are new aren't they? Well I'm calling this new regardless.
For a long time I have been drifting not really alive and yet my pulse keeps going. My existence was  dull, apathetic, and depressing. Divine intervention is what I'm calling this new beginning because without Gods grace and mercy my life would still be a dreary existence. Now don't get me wrong I have been a Christian for quite some time and have seen Gods work many times in my life, but I was getting to a point where I thought that was it, that God was done with me. All that was left was me and atrophy. Today I'm starting to fight for my life. God has given me hope and has ripped me from the clutches of death. I quit Tumblr and have stopped downloading from ThePiratebay. Tumblr goes from a nice poem or picture and then straight into hardcore porn and ThePiratebay kept advertising single russian ladies in little to no clothes. To a depressed lonely guy with lustful eyes porn doesn't seem like instant death. But the moment you give in a part of you dies and then you get lost searching for satisfaction in a way it can't be found. Though it may seem appealing it's never a fair trade. Porn only takes and leaves you wanting and when it's over it's kinda like"well, what did I expect?" I am stepping away from that addiction and it's only by Gods grace that I am able to. So in writing I am only trying to illustrate that Gods Love has no bounds and that through Jesus an undeserving wretch like me can experience life and Love.


Five Iron Frenzy may have said it best,
"Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again. Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever. Freedom means love without condition, without a beginning or an end. Here’s my heart, let it be forever Yours, only you can make every new day seem so new" -FIF